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If you’re a woman who…
Tries to do it all … raise the kids, have a successful career, keep the house in order, organize all the paperwork and appointments, and still try to find time to take care of your mind, body, and spirit …
Maybe you aren’t perfect, and things fall through the cracks, but at least you’re trying. You are always thinking about how to create an incredible life for yourself and your family. You are the type of person who stretches themselves thin to make it happen … but … you feel your partner only contributes 15-20% of what is needed to keep the family life going. They want a fucking trophy for picking up the kids from school one day when you manage to figure it out every day. Sound familiar? And, yet you never ask for praise, but oh man, you deserve it!
Still, you find yourself being critical and talking down to your partner like a child. Due to this, it’s no wonder they act like a defeated and defensive 17-year-old most of the time. You wonder if you just need to be more accepting and “stay in your lane” and be okay with “good enough.” Thoughts begin to race like “he is better than most husbands” or “he is more on it than your dad was.” This leads you to believe that you shouldn’t nag him so much and you end up just doing it yourself. Sound familiar?
Secretly, you wonder what it would be like to be with a partner who shared all the responsibilities equally (without being asked), was sexy as hell, spoke kindly to you, and acted as a real-life adult … and you realize that you’d feel so free to be yourself, so happy and have so much more SPACE to have the impact you want to have on the world.
If you’re a man who…
Has devoted his whole life to following the rules of being a “good man,” has obtained the best job he can, worked hard all day, and come home to a partner who’s pissed the second you walk in the door because you’re just 15 minutes late, and expects you to jump in with the booger-faced, screaming kids and psychically know everything that went on that day. Can’t you just have a minute to catch your breath?
You want to be helpful, but it seems like “she’s got it” and every time you try to do something, she just jumps down your throat for not doing it right. So, you attempt to take over while simultaneously walking on eggshells trying to not set off the ticking time bomb that is your partner. All while thinking, “Man, my dad never did any of this shit, why isn’t she more appreciative?” You just want her to loosen up a bit and have a little fun. You miss that person you married before you had kids.
But … you can’t remember the last time you took her on a date or brought her flowers … and every time she asks you to go to couples therapy or read a personal development book, you completely blow her off. At the same time, you secretly wonder what it would be like to be with someone who was more relaxed, loved their body, boosted you up, didn’t cut you down, and was more like your wife and less like your mom … and you realize that you’d feel free to be yourself, happier, and have so much more SPACE in your life.
You probably know that the state and quality of your marriage have the greatest impact on your life. You’re never going to be completely happy unless your marriage changes. Are you ready?
Or the most common one:
You’re worried that if you get real with how miserable you are, you’ll blow up what is a tolerable, mediocre relationship that is “dedicated to the kids” and it feels safer to just settle.
But here’s something you may not have thought of:
The concept of marrying for love has only taken place in the last 150 years or so. Before then, most marriages were a business arrangement centered around politics, family alliances, the aggregation of resources, and raising children. Men made the money, while women stayed home. If both people had to work, the woman was expected to do her job and manage 100% of the kids and home responsibilities. Women had virtually no rights in society or in marriage. Women couldn’t open their own bank accounts until 1971! Marital rape was not illegal until 1993! One could not marry someone of the same sex until 2015!
in short:
The institution and history of marriage were wrought with sexism, patriarchy, and outdated rules. The hard truth is that although we are seeing progress in the outside world, there has been very little progress within marriages.
We define a Modern Marriage as a Sacred Union where both people are committed to:
- Equitable sharing of responsibilities, resources, and power.
- Actively cultivating love, great sex, respect, kindness, and joy.
- Their own personal growth and devotion to being their authentic selves.
These three pillars create a self-fulling cycle of nourishment that continuously feeds what every human needs to flourish.
Marriage is still the cornerstone of our culture. Instead of tossing it out with yesterday’s garbage, let’s reclaim it! Let’s renovate it to create a legacy that we can pass on to the next generation.
Important:
We recognize all marriages (regardless of gender, monogamy, and agreements) are worthy and legitimate. If you are in a same-sex marriage and can relate to the inequitable division of labor, a lackluster sex life where one person is on a personal development path while the other is resistant, then you are SO WELCOME to join! We just want to be clear that we are not solving every relationship issue under the sun. Like working through non-monogamy, we have no idea how to do that because it isn’t the path we have chosen. We want to make sure you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. If you have any further questions on if this course is the right fit for you, please send us an email at [email protected].
Here’s exactly what you’ll be learning in Modern Marriage:
Pillar 1: The Family Business
How to create equitable sharing of responsibilities, resources, and power.
In this section, we will walk you through how to run your life and family like a great business with two highly capable business partners. Imagine a partnership where you never do more than your fair share of responsibilities – financial, kid, house, or otherwise. Or that you both get to hold roles you love and enjoy instead of situations where one of you gets to do what you love while the other one fills in all the gaps and picks up the pieces.
We will talk A LOT about money. We will explore how earning money should be appreciated, and how both people can feel equal power in the relationship and in spending decisions, regardless of who makes more money. We will talk about how to set financial goals, how to organize money, and how to not fight about it.
DISCLAIMER: In this course, we discuss how to make more money. We understand that this can be a very triggering topic for some people. Often, we are set in our ways, we sometimes believe that there is no possible way to make more money, nor should anyone want to make more money. It is this belief that we should be content with what we have right now. We understand that our (Sarah + Jonathan’s) privilege as white people allows us more ease in making money. We believe that everyone has the right to want and create more wealth in the future. This course supports you in creating a greater wealth consciousness that allows for more ease in your life, more support, more charitable donations of both your time and money, and more fun and adventure. If you feel that you do not agree with this point of view (it’s just your opinion!), then this course may not be the right place for you. That is okay! Or you may choose to pass over the money section of the course with love and grace.
We also cover how to share the responsibility of raising children, how to navigate disagreements around parenting styles, and how to get reaaallly clear on all the unseen, unappreciated tasks, and bring them into the light to figure out how to share them equally regardless of outdated gender roles.
Pillar 2: The Romantic Relationship
How to actively cultivate love, great sex, respect, kindness, and joy
In this section, we open with uncovering what dynamic you’re currently playing out … maybe you’re stuck in a business partner role, or a parent/child dynamic. Maybe one of you is more like the other’s therapist or life coach … regardless, two dynamics can’t exist at the same time. If you are stuck in one of these, you can’t be in a LOVER dynamic.
We spend a lot of time in this pillar to discuss how to talk to each other, because if it’s one thing we’ve experienced, it’s how damaging someone’s tone and treatment can be in the moment and compounded over time. If you frequently hear people say, “Your partner is so nice! What a kind, fun person!” while you are thinking, “If you only know how much an asshole they are,” you will really benefit from this lesson. Most couples use their partner as their punching bag and are their worst selves around them. We believe in saving the best for your partner. After all, they are supposed to be the most important person in the world to you.
We talk about the strategies, time management, and communication needed to create space to be lovers. Yes, this includes dating, sex, and romance. And no, we don’t think scheduling sex is a good idea. However, we do have some other amazing strategies that will make you feel deeply in love and attracted to your partner again.
A note on monogamy: We believe that all couples get to make their own decisions on who they have sex with, as long as both people feel GREAT about it. We are in a monogamous relationship and plan to be so for life. We believe that you can have the hottest, best sex of your life with your lifelong, monogamous partner. It’s super edgy and vulnerable. Doing a striptease and then getting up the next morning to make breakfast for your kids, is A LOT. Is it easier to let your freak flag fly and just sneak out in the middle of the night, yep! Is stretching yourself to be vulnerable with your partner and mind-blowing, sacred, edgy sex while also holding the mundane details of life together an incredible soulful experience? Hell yes, it is!
Pillar 3: Personal Growth
Why BOTH partners need to be dedicated to their own personal growth and devoted to their most authentic selves.
Let’s cut right to the chase. Many women, these days, are committed to personal growth. We are learning about the power of positive thinking, understanding our triggers, working through childhood trauma, and developing a spiritual practice. And men are, well, doing nothing.
Our culture has brainwashed men into believing that they aren’t allowed to be emotional – that they don’t even have emotions. But did you know that research shows that men are more emotional and sensitive than women?
Personal growth and inner work are not just for women. They are for everyone.
If you are a woman who does personal growth, you know the feeling that if you just keep going, you will outgrow your partner… you know what … you might. We’re not going to sugarcoat it.
There was a time when Sarah felt like a Queen married to an immature man-child Court Jester. A Queen does not want a Jester. A Queen wants a King – someone who is committed to stepping into their fullest power, confidence, and presence. This requires deep inner work and new agreements around both of you being committed to growth. In this pillar, we guide you through this shift so each of you, individually, can become the fullest expression of who YOU are.
This is how the program works:
Once you enroll you and your partner below, you will receive an email confirming your enrollment. This email will include your course log in information. This website holds all the tools you will need – the recorded lessons, Q&A sessions with couples that attended the live program, and additional resources for both partners.
Because this is a self-study program, it’s up to you how you move through it. Our recommendation is that you move through the program one lesson at a time and leave ample space for conversations, reflection, and integration. These topics are deep and can bring up A LOT. Make sure you give yourselves the space you need to really move through the content intentionally.
Our number one tip is to decide how and when you will do each lesson and PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDARS! There needs to be a commitment from both partners to show up and make the most of this work.
Who is this program for?
As we mentioned above, Modern Marriage focuses on the challenges of patriarchy, sexism, and traditional gender roles inside a marriage.
Remember, none of these things are happening on purpose! It is not your fault, it’s the fault of marriage! This is typically more prevalent in heterosexual couples. Of course, if you are a same-sex couple and feel you can benefit from healing how patriarchal dynamics show up in your relationship, you are absolutely welcome.
You do not need to be married or have kids to be in Modern Marriage – just a desire to have an incredible, long-term relationship is all you need.
Imagine looking at your partner and thinking:
This is the most supportive, sexy, ambitious, unique, caring, attractive person on the planet…
even if you’ve been together forever and feel bleh, meh, or
even repulsed and rageful at this right now.
Exactly what you get when you sign up for Modern Marriage:
Modern Marriage is a 4-session self-study course that was taught live and recorded for you to do at any time. It is valued at $1111.
Plus you get these amazing bonuses:
Bonus 1:
Financial Tracking Sheet – you can be financial partners regardless of who makes more money! Valued at: $100.
Bonus 2:
Responsibility Assignment Sheet – keeping each other accountable so one person isn’t doing all the unseen, unappreciated labor. Valued at: $100.
Bonus 3:
Discussion questions after every lesson – accountability to our commitment to the new agreements. Valued at: $150.
If you missed our free Marriage Reset Masterclass click here to watch the replay for even more details.
I was hesitant to start working with Sarah and Jonathan from the beginning because I know there is so much that comes up from confronting my shadows. However, my husband and I recently watched the lessons. We were talking trial separation 3 weeks ago and now fast forward to us feeling more hopeful than ever before. Thank you!
–Kaila
We cuddled up on the couch, started digging into Modern Marriage, and made our first agreement! We are people who work on our marriage! It feels so good to be guided by the realness of Sarah and Jonathan. I’ve been feeling a big pull to focus on this and this course could not have come at a better time. Thank you!
–Deena
We are enrolled in Modern Marriage and I’m so excited! My husband is very straight-laced and I was so worried about asking him to join Modern Marriage. Even though he knows I love your work, this is a whole new level for him. When he found out the course is self-study and done all on our own time, he was relieved and a Hell YES. We are loving it!
-Chrissy
My husband and I have found Modern Marriage so valuable! My husband is in investment banking and the majority of his colleagues are in the antithesis of a modern marriage. Although that hasn’t been a great example for our family, my husband has started to lead by example with his co-workers. He began blocking out 5-6 pm on his calendar daily to help me with the kids’ bedtime routine and he feels so much more empowered! Jonathan’s background and approach really resonated with him. Woo!
-Anonymous
Frequently Asked Questions:
Can we sign up if we're not married?
Yes! Modern Marriage is for anyone in a committed relationship. You do not need to be married to participate.
If we don't have kids, can we still do Modern Marriage?
Absolutely! You do not need to have children to participate in Modern Marriage.
Can we do this if we're in a same-sex or non-binary relationship?
Yes! You are welcome to participate in Modern Marriage. When you sign up, email us for support to find the perfect fit for you in the Facebook groups.
Can we do this if we're engaged?
Absolutely! We want to support you and your relationship as it unfolds.
What if we can’t afford Modern Marriage?
We don’t want the investment to be stressful. If it’s a matter of it being a stretch vs. impossible, take some time to run the numbers. Look at your budget. Is there space to re-work any of your expenses to make this program a reality?
What if we don’t have the time for a marriage course?
We suggest making sure you carve out space on your calendar to watch the lessons and work through the content together. This may mean delegating or canceling other things that don’t take priority. We find there is something very powerful about actually making that commitment that really helps to stay on track!
How long is the course?
There are about 8 hours of recorded lessons in the Modern Marriage self-study course, plus access to hours of recorded Q&A sessions from the last live round of the program where we workshopped issues with real couples as they moved through the content. We encourage you to take as much time as you need for you and your partner to thoroughly move through the content.
How to know if you’re ready to transform your relationship with Modern Marriage:
- You find yourself fighting over stupid shit all the time.
- There’s a low level of annoyance at each other that seep into most of your interactions and conversations.
- Every time one of you brings up going to therapy, the other person freaks out, because they don’t want to “share” with a total stranger.
- You’re always fighting over who does what and one person feels like they’re doing everything; whereas the other one feels like they are the hero for doing something once.
- You used to really love each other. After having kids, you feel more like business partners (albeit shitty ones) and less like lovers.
- One of you is doing the inner work, but the other one is stuck.
- You’ve fallen into “default” mode around taking care of the house and kids.
- You both know something needs to change, but you don’t know what or how.
- At the end of the day (even though you are unhappy), you desperately love this person and would do anything for them.
- You’re excited to have a clear vision and plan for the rest of your marriage and life.
- Deep down you know that your marriage is the source of a lot of discomfort and pain. If you could just shift your relationship into a better place, your whole life would feel easier.
- You’re ready to take the time and open your mind to a new way of doing marriage. You envision one that can have an incredible impact on the rest of your life.
If you missed our free Marriage Reset Masterclass click here to watch the replay for even more details.
It would be an honor to go on this journey with you. We hope to see you in the program soon.
Love, Sarah + Jonathan
We started Modern Marriage and after having a heart to heart about my desire to take action on the course and continue to do the work, he provided! We watched the first lesson and made a commitment to complete subsequent lessons each Tuesday. Now we are actively discussing and making the necessary changes to modernize our marriage. What a gift!
-Anonymous
We are incredibly grateful for Modern Marriage – we can’t believe how different we feel in our marriage! We are so much more appreciative of our individual contributions as we make incremental changes towards an even more satisfying way to work the business of our home life. For the first time ever, I paid a professional detailer to clean my car today because neither of us wanted to do it. It felt amazing to make a collaborative agreement to delegate and redistribute our finances to make it possible. Also, scheduling regular meetings to discuss important aspects of our shared life is so relieving! The kid’s section encouraged us to finally take the time to set up parental controls on devices for our 12-year-old, something I have been procrastinating about for years! We are really getting so much value – thank you both so much.
-Anonymous
Marriage is hard. Anyone who makes you think that it’s not isn’t being straight with you. It’s hard in different ways for different folks, but for us, it’s about equity and communication. After 12 years of marriage, we have made it a practice to align and do the necessary work to evolve. That being said, we also believe in getting help, and not just when we need it. This is why we signed up for Modern Marriage. I have watched Sarah and Jonathan navigate so much that resonates and aligns with how we want our marriage to feel and even though we don’t have it all figured out perfectly, they are doing the work in a big way. We’ve learned so much and can’t wait to continue to dive in!
-Leigh
*NOTE: Please enter the person not joining Men’s Work on this page. You will enter the partner joining Men’s Work on the confirmation page that follows.
*NOTE: Enter the person’s information who is joining Holy Woman on this form. You will enter the partner joining Men’s Work on the confirmation page. This bundle includes your first 3 months of Holy Woman free, then billed at $125/mo until canceled. Cancel at any time.
*NOTE: Please enter the person not joining Men’s Work on this page. You will enter the partner joining Men’s Work on the confirmation page that follows.
*NOTE: Enter the person’s information who is joining Holy Woman on this form. You will enter the partner joining Men’s Work on the confirmation page. This bundle includes your first 3 months of Holy Woman free, then billed at $125/mo until canceled. Cancel at any time.
*NOTE: Enter the main person’s information on this form. You will enter the second partner on the confirmation page. If the second partner’s gender is male, they will receive separate emails from Jonathan.
*NOTE: Enter the main person’s information on this form. You will enter the second partner on the confirmation page. If the second partner’s gender is male, they will receive separate emails from Jonathan.